My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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