oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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