Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
