I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
now i know why i became what i already was.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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