bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize