she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
