I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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