All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
