Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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