im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize