I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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