I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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