Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
