Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
