the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
