Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
