you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
