If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
