its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
