you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
