Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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