just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
