where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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