i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
