when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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