so explain again why im purple
no
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
