You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if you like me you must not know who I am
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
