So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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