Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize