I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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