My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
