Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
