The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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