When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
