can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
