Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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