it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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