Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
