playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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