she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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