he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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