i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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