party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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