The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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