i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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