no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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