we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
