you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
