EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
