i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
