she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
