Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i need some magic done to my vagina
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
