my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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