living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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