FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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