i was born a porn star she said
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
