I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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