smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize