I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
