i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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