Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
