My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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