The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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