hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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