Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
