Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
