last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
