I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
