ugly people sure do ruin things
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
