Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
