once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
as a side note pls kill me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize