is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
