Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
