last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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