I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
